Wow. Where has this year gone?  It’s nearly Thanksgiving.  Somehow I fell like I just put away Easter decorations.

So as we launch into the holidays and the accompanying stress, remember to continue to do the things that work for you in terms of self – care.  It is important to stay faithful to those practices year-round, and especially during the holidays.

The holiday season can be even harder for caregivers.  There are the logistics that may be more challenging, and there may also be emotional pressures to make the holiday season “extra special,” particularly if the parent for whom you are caring has a terminal illness.  I will blog more on that issue later. First, though, make sure you remember to focus on you.

It’s so easy to lose sight of the things that work.  Is your past full of self-care strategies that worked for a while, and then stopped working (a diet, daily affirmations, prayer, yoga, running, you name it)?  Did they stop working because you kept at it faithfully, or did you stop dieting/stating your affirmations/praying/practicing yoga/going on a daily run?

For me, when these types of efforts fall short, it’s because I’ve stopped.  I’ll get caught up in the stress ofthe day to day “busy-ness” of the “business” I need to be doing – whether for my clients, my firm, my volunteer efforts, my family, my children….oh, and groceries, the dog…..  And then I beging to think that this collective to-do list has become more important than the practice I was trying to turn into a habit of self-care.  (Wouldn’t that be great – to be SO GOOD at taking care of yourself that it could be called a “habit”)???

It turns out I am not the only one.  Local author Darby Rae recently blogged about a similar issue involving daily affirmations.  She lists time-honored tips in this post about using affirmations to create the future of your dreams.  It is a fantastic reminder of the method of affirming your goals that works.

So, while you make your holiday preparations, take time for you. Before all of the “busy-ness” takes over.

I am still thining about that TV show (blogged earlier this month), that made me think about preparing ourselves by creating and sustaining our networks of family and friends before we get sick.  Earlier this year, the Indianapolis Star ran two editorials on “Graying in Place” – how cities and towns should prepare for the eventuality of aging.  For example, the Star reported that by 2040, one in five Hoosiers will be 65 years old.  Those numbers are staggaring when you think about the implications for housing, transportation, medical care and the work force.

So what can we do? We are not municipal planners (most of us, anyway).  In addition to taking good care of your network, consider the following:

Planning for your parents' housing can be a gift.

• Housing:  consider whether your current housing needs could accomodate an aging/ill parent in the future.  Do you have an extra bedroom – or a room that could be converted?  Is it on the main floor (so stairs would not be an issue)? Is there a full bathroom on the main floor as well? If not, consider whether rennovations would be possible;  likewise, if you move to a new home, look for these features. They might also serve to benefit you, not just your parents!  If you do not think that providing housing under your roof will be feasible, consider traditional assisted-living facilities, in addition to newer models (for Example, the “Emerson House” is a large 12-bedroom home staffed by its owners – providing assited living in a home environment.)
• Health care: what type of insurance do your parents have? Should you consider investing in long-term care insurance?  Note – some employers offer employees options to purchase long-term care insurance for the employees parents. 
• Social security, 401Ks, pensions:  how much does your parent anticipate receiving once he / she retires? Will this amount be sufficient?
• Activities:  consider outlets for your parents’ social needs – are they involved in church, temple or other religious organizations? Do they volunteer?  It could be helpful to imagine what life would look like if your parent was not well enough to live alone, but still healthy and active enough to want to socialize. How would you support that?
• Day to day care:  think about how you would provide day to day care for your parent. Are you home?  Is there long-term care insurance (see above)? While issues like this cannot always be solved ahead of time, it helps to consider and note options before you are forced to make a decision.

And finally, as I’ve mentioned before, have “the talk” with your parents.  Ask about wills, end of life preferences, funeral ideas.  Yes, it is hard.  But you might find that they are relieved if you bring it up.